Memories

I can hardly fathom that eleven years ago today our lives changed forever.  When we got up on the morning of November 9, 2002 we planned on going to the movies but Sarah was too tired.  She sat up on her bed several times and said she was very tired and wanted to lay back down for a while.  Eventually it was decided that James and I would go to the movies and Marissa and Sarah would hang out.  James and I went to see “The Santa Claus” but just after the movie started my cell phone buzzed and Marissa said something was horribly wrong.  Sarah was lethargic,

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weak and incoherent.  The doctor instructed us to immediately go to the emergency room.   James and I rushed out of the theatre and I carried Sarah to the car.  As we approached the LIE on our way to North Shore Manhasset the police were checking inspection and registration stickers on the entrance ramp.   I pulled over and explained the situation and at this time Sarah was not conscious.  I asked the police for an escort, or some help, and they refused and said they could not escort us to Manhasset.  As we drove away I heard one highway patrol officer say to the other “how about that, he wants an escort…”.  I will never forget those words and I will never have respect for our police department, “Nassau County’s finest…???”
As we entered the emergency room the chief oncologist and his staff were waiting for us but nothing they did, or could do, could change the situation; Sarah was fading and this time they couldn’t pull us out.  Sarah passed that afternoon, not two hours after we arrived in the ER. 

We had so much fun prepared for that day and I’ve never understood how it could have gone so horribly wrong.  I can never understand why that beautiful, young, caring heart stopped beating.  I know Sarah is at peace and her suffering ended that day but I will never understand why!  Today as we commemorate the anniversary of Sarah’s passing, her “Angel-versary” I try to remember the good times, the laughter we shared but somehow all I keep hearing is “you’re not funny daddy, I don’t know why you even try…”.  Sarah told me that many times and it still resonates in my head.  Once when I was teasing Sarah about boys and how one day someone would come along and steal her heart she replied “I’m never getting married, I’m going to say here and haunt you forever…..”    Those words now have a different meaning and how true they have become.

Sarah, we miss you terribly and all the good works we do in your name somehow can never fill the void created in our heart on that cold November day.  

Rest in peace my angel