Memories of Sarah

November 9, 2017

I’ve heard people say that ‘it get’s easier with time; you get past it…’ but I’ve learned that is the farthest thing from the truth.  You can’t ‘get past it’ when time has frozen.  Today, November 9, marks 15 years since Sarah earned her wings and became an angel.  She was my angel from the day she was born but now, after all she had been through, 9 months of pain and suffering; she was an angel that belonged to everyone.   I cannot remember ever feeling more emotion than I did at that moment when, after two hours of emergency room panic and hope, the doctor turned to me and said ‘she’s gone’.   Fifteen years later you would think it would all be a blur but in my mind it is as clear today as it was, as it happened, all those years ago.  Can it really be 15 years?  I know time has past because I am older, I feel so much older, and the pain and heaviness of my heart is difficult to bear.  Emotion; yeah – that’s a roller coaster ride.  After all these years I still cry and the simplest things may set me off; it’s like the emotional plug came out the day Sarah died.   

Sarah was so full of life and wanted to do so many things.  She wanted to be an artist, a teacher, fight for causes; such as bullet proof vests for police dogs.   Sarah was always thinking of somebody else, she was quiet (at times) and perhaps a bit shy but she was always looking out for others.   We had such fun times, camping all over, swimming, hiking, strawberry picking, apple picking, pumpkin picking, and I can’t forget baking.   I love to bake, at least I did then – it’s not so much fun anymore, and Sarah and James were my little helpers.  Baking was fun, delicious (especially all those  Christmas cookies), and educational.   We always tracked how many cookies we baked, it was my way of teaching math.   One year we baked over 1,000 Christmas cookies and eventually ran out of people to give them to.   We baked pies – great apple pies.  I think the best were when we picked apples all day and when we got back to the trailer at the campground we sat at the picnic table and prepared apples for baking.  Thinking ahead, I had all the ingredients with us.  By late afternoon pies were in the oven in the trailer and everyone walking around the campground enjoyed the smell of great apple pie.   Then there was the time we picked strawberries and one of our dearest friends had come prepared with everything necessary to make ice cream.  Freshly picked strawberries turned into ice cream, what a treat!

You know that favorite movie you love to watch over and over?  This is my favorite movie, all of us together, out having fun and expecting the most out of life.  Life never goes as you planned, that’s reality, but life; the end of it, shouldn’t come to your children.   Sarah, I miss you more every day but we carry on with your memories, your strength and the mission of the Foundation that bears your name. 

Everytime I hear your favorite song I laugh, I cry and I smile picturing you singing it; having fun and full of life.    That’s how I choose to remember you – full of life!  You’re alive in my thoughts and within my broken heart and I choose to remember all the great times we had.  

So tonight I’ll have McDonalds, your favorite ‘gourmet’ meal, and remember all that fun!


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