Memories of an Angel-2019


November 9, 2019

Dear Sarah,

Today marks your 17th anniversary of becoming an angel.  You’re on my mind every day but especially today, the anniversary of when you left us.  Author Vivian Greene wrote “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning how to dance in the rain.”  I remind myself of that quote on a daily basis along with praying for the courage to “accept the things I cannot change”.  The storm of your suffering and loss has passed but the rain remains and using courage you gave us we are able to continue.  Accept what I cannot change; therein lies the challenge.  How can a parent accept and understand why a young child loses their life to cancer?   Sarah, you had so much love, energy, excitement for life that it astounds me that we lost the battle, your battle.  I miss you more every day; it seems the older I get my mind reminisces more about the past – about so many things – and all I’m ever left with are questions that no one can answer.  The memory of those bleak days never seems to diminish.  After losing his first born Dwight Eisenhower once said “There is no tragedy in life like the loss of a child, things never get back to the way they were”.   No words could express the sentiment more truthfully.

 I remember you today with memories of your beautiful smile, your laughter and the courage that you exhibited while you were sick and you’ve passed that courage on to us enabling us to carry on.  I’m always left wondering what you would be like all grown up; what you’d be doing?  I guess I’ll never know the answer to those questions.  I know you’re always with us, just in a different way; watching over us.  Mom and I are packing up the house preparing to move which has forced us to take the final steps of moving and sorting what you left us.  Sorting and packing your things seems like we are disturbing your memory and moving things from where / how you left them.  I know you were never coming back but preserving your things made day to day more bearable; now they’re just boxes in an empty room. 

I miss you Sarah, you’re always on my mind and I hope you’re proud of the work we’re doing in your name as we preserve your memory.  What you went through has to have meant something and with the courage you gave us we foster on to inspire and encourage other children with cancer to be as strong and vibrant as you were.  We also carry on the tradition of your favorite meal; so tonight, in your honor, we’ll have McDonald’s with fries – right out of the fryer!   I love you Sarah; I’ll love you forever!

 

Dad

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